Confusion
I am not sure I understand at the moment where my life is headed. Yes I guess there are those out there that could say I am successful, seeing as I have graduated from college and am now working a job as a Mechanical Engineer, but I just don’t know if I can be happy with this. There are so many things that I still wish to accomplish in my life and not the least of which is my dream to travel and possibly live or work in Japan. I have always been fascinated by Japanese culture. I actually have an opportunity to do this in the upcoming year of 2009.
One side of myself views this endeavor as an adventure and a way to further expand my mind and understanding of another culture in a way that I am unable to do through books and learning by conventional means. I wish I had some guidance in this but I think most of my apprehension comes from being unable to pin down why I don’t want to go. Its something I have dreamed of for part of my life. I think the apprehension and fear of this comes from the bills and such that I will have piling up once I have to start paying back my loans and my car payment on my sweet 2005 Subaru Impreza I just bought because I needed a new car to get to work. I think I would only end up pissed off at myself if I didn’t go to Japan and I would probably regret passing up the opportunity to do so if it did happen.
I can just imagine the response of my parents when and if I tell them, “Hey btw I am going to go to Japan.” Not exactly an easy thing to tell to my mother who is very clingy and protective of me just because I am her youngest son. I think she just has to begin to realize that I am 23 years old and I can take care of myself. Now dont get my wrong I love my mother very much but I just cant bring myself to understand this from her point of view. I think it may be a parental thing that I wont understand until I myself one day have kids.
Mostly these thoughts run through my head because I am at work right now and it is Friday and I truly don’t want to do anything right now. I have completed my work for the week (I have to try to work slower so what they give me lasts for longer) and my boss is in meetings all day. Leaving me with nothing to do but try to make myself look busy. I do have a couple of reports that I could write but I would prefer to pass some time doing this message to all of you. I say all of you and I don’t even know if anyone reads this damn thing anyways. I think that’s why I changed the name to Mental Rambling, as you can see there is not much order to the way my mind thinks.
Well if anyone does read this I hope my random mind helps distract you from your own work or pass the time. Domo arigato. Its the only thing I know of Japanese at the moment besides seppuku which means ritual suicide of a samurai warrior. Anyways back to trying to find work to do I guess.
Leave a Reply