Confusion

I am not sure I understand at the moment where my life is headed. Yes I guess there are those out there that could say I am successful, seeing as I have graduated from college and am now working a job as a Mechanical Engineer, but I just don’t know if I can be happy with this. There are so many things that I still wish to accomplish in my life and not the least of which is my dream to travel and possibly live or work in Japan. I have always been fascinated by Japanese culture. I actually have an opportunity to do this in the upcoming year of 2009.

One side of myself views this endeavor as an adventure and a way to further expand my mind and understanding of another culture in a way that I am unable to do through books and learning by conventional means. I wish I had some guidance in this but I think most of my apprehension comes from being unable to pin down why I don’t want to go. Its something I have dreamed of for part of my life. I think the apprehension and fear of this comes from the bills and such that I will have piling up once I have to start paying back my loans and my car payment on my sweet 2005 Subaru Impreza I just bought because I needed a new car to get to work. I think I would only end up pissed off at myself if I didn’t go to Japan and I would probably regret passing up the opportunity to do so if it did happen.

I can just imagine the response of my parents when and if I tell them, “Hey btw I am going to go to Japan.” Not exactly an easy thing to tell to my mother who is very clingy and protective of me just because I am her youngest son. I think she just has to begin to realize that I am 23 years old and I can take care of myself. Now dont get my wrong I love my mother very much but I just cant bring myself to understand this from her point of view. I think it may be a parental thing that I wont understand until I myself one day have kids.

Mostly these thoughts run through my head because I am at work right now and it is Friday and I truly don’t want to do anything right now. I have completed my work for the week (I have to try to work slower so what they give me lasts for longer) and my boss is in meetings all day. Leaving me with nothing to do but try to make myself look busy. I do have a couple of reports that I could write but I would prefer to pass some time doing this message to all of you. I say all of you and I don’t even know if anyone reads this damn thing anyways. I think that’s why I changed the name to Mental Rambling, as you can see there is not much order to the way my mind thinks.

Well if anyone does read this I hope my random mind helps distract you from your own work or pass the time. Domo arigato. Its the only thing I know of Japanese at the moment besides seppuku which means ritual suicide of a samurai warrior. Anyways back to trying to find work to do I guess.

Dont Judge People

‘Some people!’ snorted a man standing some distance behind me in the long
line at the grocery store.

‘You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line,
’said a woman. I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up
was and saw a well dressed, young woman, trying to get the machine to
accept her credit card. No matter how many times she swiped it, the
machine kept rejecting it.

‘It’s one of them welfare card things. Damn people need to get a job like
everyone else,’ said the man standing behind me. The young woman turned
around to see who had made the comment.   ‘It was me,’ he said, pointing
to himself.

The young lady’s face began to change expression. Almost in tears, she
dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the
store. Everyone in the checkout line watched as she began running to her
car. Never looking back, she got in and drove away.

Several minutes later a young man walked into the store. He went up to the
cashier and asked if she had seen the woman. After describing her, the
cashier told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and
drove away.

‘Why would she do that?’ asked the man. Everyone in the line looked around
at the fellow who had made the statement.   ‘I made a stupid comment about
the welfare card she was using.  Something I shouldn’t have said. I’m
sorry,’ said the man.

‘Well, that’s bad, real bad, in fact.  Her brother was killed in
Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken
on that responsibility. She’s twenty years old, single, and now has three
children to support,’ he said in a very firm voice.

‘I’m really truly sorry. I didn’t know,’ he replied, shaking both his
hands about.

The young man asked, ‘Are these paid for?’ pointing to the shopping cart
full of groceries. ‘It wouldn’t take her card,’ the clerk told him.

‘Do you know where she lives?’ asked the man who had made the comment.

‘Yes, she goes to our church.’

‘Excuse me,’ he said as he made his way to the front of the line. He
pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier,
‘Please use my card.

PLEASE!’ The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young
woman’s groceries.

Hold on,’ said the gentleman. He walked back to his shopping cart and
began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. ‘Come on
people. We got three kids to help raise!’ he told everyone in line.

Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt. A few
customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts. ‘Go
back and get two big turkeys,’ yelled a heavyset woman, as she looked at
the man. ‘NO,’ yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. The
enti re store became quiet for several seconds. ‘Four turkeys,’ yelled the
man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work.

When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the
groceries. He then walked over to the side,  pulled out his check book,
and began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front
of the store for a writing surface. He turned around and handed the check
to the young man.

‘She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,’ he told the man.

The young man looked at the check and said, ‘This is really very generous
of you.’

‘No,’ said the man. ‘Her brother was the generous one.’

Everyone in the store had been observing the odd commotion and began to
clap.  And I drove home that day feeling very American.

We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!!! Remember our
Troops of Yesterday and Today!!!

A great example of why we should be kind and patient.

Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear.

Never judge someone…until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

May God’s many blessings continue to be with you  -  ALWAYS!! !

MAY THIS KEEP GOING….IT MAY OPEN A LOT OF EYES, HOPEFULLY HEARTS, AND
KEEP SOME MOUTHS SHUT.

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I recieved this story in an e-mail today and I felt that it would be appropriate to post it here. I dont care what someones opinion is on the Wars in Iraq or Afghanistan everyone should remember one thing. The soldiers are doing their job. They may not want to be there but they are doing it anyways. I think that the number one thing anyone can do even if you dont agree with the wars going on is to support our troops. Treat them with the respect they deserve for serving our country.

The Spice Must Flow

Oil speculation reminds me of one thing. This one thing is the movie dune and the quote from it “The Spice must flow.” This quote is said over and over about the spice which is important to all aspects of life at this point in human existence.  Its used for space ship navigation, used as a narcotic drug and basically allows for the livelihood of all humans. I think oil is very much like this in many respects. Mostly because people are willing to pay the outrageous prices being forced on us by OPEC and oil companies. I am not naive enough to believe that oil prices are only due to OPEC though. With oil companies posting record profit years I can not bring myself to believe its not just price gouging on their account.

Anyways the other reason I find myself thinking of the dune analogy is because if you think about it most of the oil is controlled by Middle Eastern countries with loads of oil just under the sand. In the books for Dune and the movies the spice is controlled by a single planet, Arrakis. This control allows for them to pretty much dictate to the rest of the galaxy a price they see as “necessary”. I think part of the reason OPEC and oil companies are doing this right now though is because they know that their days are numbered.  With an almost constant outcry for alternative sources of energy they know that when that new technology comes out they are not going to have the control or presence they have now. I gladly look forward to the day we operate on alternative energy and humanity can flip the bird at all oil companies. We can all sit around and laugh joyfully as the oil companies go bankrupt because they were to stupid to invest time into creating these alternative energy sources.

Granted I still havent figured out how colossal sand worms fit into the analogy yet but I think it would be cool to just have giant sandworms out there. Anyways this is my thoughts on oil and mostly me being pissed at paying high prices for my car.

Moving

Well its official I am moving out of my current place to a place 3 blocks aways for a much better deal. I enjoy it too because I will have the place to myself and that in and of itself is nice. I like to live by myself. I find it very nice to be able to go home and not have to worry about keeping someone else informed of your schedule.  At the same time I am still really close to my friends so I dont have to worry about being lonely if I dont want to be.

Funny thing is that I think I am junk collector or maybe I am just thrifty. I got a new set of shelves for the apartment yesterday because someone else threw them out by the dumpster and I decided “Oooo a new DVD Case I can use”. I dont know if its bad or just me being practical when I take things others throw out and reuse it instead of buying something at Wal-mart that I could purchase myself.  The debate is still up in the air when it comes to my friends deciding. I personally think I am a cheap bastard.

Anyways its also friday and I am so bored right now at work. I just want to go and move my stuff so I can chill out and maybe take a nap this afternoon. 2 more hours and I can leave.

Perfection?

Why do we look for perfection all around us when nothing in the world is perfect? I wonder about this often and I can never understand it. I am far from a perfect person, body, or anything at all. Everyone has their own problems that make them imperfect so why does this fact take precedence in todays society? I find it often when I seek to talk to someone they can blow me of without a second word simply because I am not a vision of perfection to them on first site. Frankly I guess I realize that most of these people I try to do this with I am simply testing my theory that most people are stuck up self indulgent morons. It takes a lot and means a lot often times when people are willing to overlook small defects in someone to actually get to know someone. I try to do this too where I will often try to get to know someone before I label them in my category of self indulgent moron but often times they put themselves there on their own.

I find myself wishing I could find a average woman that I can engage in conversation and become friends with before I seek to take that relationship to a more serious level. I have never been a guy that jumps into relationships for the sheer hell of it or just on the basis of “Oh that woman is sexy I want to date her.” I dont simply understand it but I think its because in a woman I seek someone who is very similar to me in most respects. I want to find someone who is intelligent, has a quick wit, and will let me know when I do something stupid. And by the stupid thing I mean when I do it for real and not under the assumtion most women make that men do everything stupidly and for no reason. I think I am a competent and very intelligent young man and I dont think that I should have to deal with witless people around me. Most of my friends I understand on one level or another why they do things and I hope that they have that understanding of me too.

Why is it when men have the view that it is good to be friends with someone you want a serious relationship with a bad thing? I dont get it. If you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with you should be friends on one level or another with your soon to be/current partner before you ever choose to become married and I think this is why most relationships fail. A lot of people get married before they ever get past the 3-4 beginning phase of “oooo your so cute.” stage of the relationship. I think that to truly know whether your relationship will withstand the test of time has to do with the compromise, understanding and recovery time behind your fights after the initial “butterflies in my stomach” stage of the relationship.

Maybe thats the difference….I would like to have that serious relationship in my life and know that eventually it could lead to marriage and a family, where a lot of people dont know what they want at my age or at least havent thought about it yet. Anyways feel free to leave your comments and let me know whether its so wrong that I think this way or if I am just being to rough on myself and others.

Birthday

It was my Birthday yesterday. July 15 2008……23 years old. I always find myself wondering on my birthday what the next year is going to hold or what will happen. In the past this has always been easy for me to figure out because I had school. It was easy to just drop my little mental exercise on the fact that the next year just meant 1 more year of school and one more year closer to my goal of graduation. Now that I have graduated I dont know what I am going to work towards. I suppose doing well at my job? But isnt this what happens to a lot of graduates? They get so caught up in their work that they fail to see what is around them, like friends, family and just enjoying themselves. I am going to try to avoid this trap by enjoying what God has given me and living my life to the fullest and enjoying every moment of it. Starting of course with this weekend of White Water Rafting! It should prove to be a blast even though I have never gone before. I will be spending 3 days with my friends camping and rafting. I dont think there is a better way to spend 3 days and I consider it a sort of Birthday present for myself. Short comments today I think but ehh what the hell I have a life to live.

New Friends

On a whim last night I went out and bought a baby 4-5 month old ferret. Also known as a kit for all of you that love ferrets. I was honestly surprised by how mellow he is. He crawled around on my shoulders but hasnt really done a lot of the mischievous things my other two ferrets used to do. I dont know whether I got lucky or if its because the ferret was just nervous about his new environment. He seems like a very calm little guy but we shall see.

I think one of the main reasons why I got him is because I think I need a pet of some kind for my new apartment when I move in. I dont think its possible for me to live / stay in my place without someone there with me. And ferrets are awesome sources of entertainment. If you didnt know this just go to YouTube and look at video tagged with Ferret War Dance. They are hilarious little bundles of joy. I honestly thing God made animals like them to provide man and himself with entertainment. My friend John and I both maintain that it is impossible to be pissed off while watching a ferret play. They just have a way of lightening any burden you feel while you are playing or watching them play. I havent come up with a name for my new kit but I am sure after a few days he will name himself or something will come to me.

The only other thing I have to add about Ferrets is that if you are a young man or woman and you are thinking about having kids, its a good idea to try to look after a ferret first. They tend to get into so much when  you dont keep them entertained. The best way to describe them is a 5 yr old kid that only runs around for about 3-4 hrs before they wear themselves out. During that 3-4 hours though you had better be keeping an eye on them or they will find a way to make you watch/entertain them.

Daily Crap

I find it funny how people can get used to the daily grind of work. I only just graduated and already am beginning to wonder why the hell am I doing this. I think I can answer this question for myself by saying I enjoy paychecks. But I mean seriously why is it that people are willing to subject themselves to a job they dont like for 20+ years? A main example of this I think is Judy who works behind me day after day doing the same thing for the past 10 years. She constantly gets work dumped on her that noone else wants to do and is very unappreciated for what she does do. I think the need for that consistency is why eventually people get so comfortable that they arent willing to take any risks to get noticed or even do the things they possibly once dreamed of doing when they were younger. I think that no matter what I have to promise myself that I am not going to grow into a person who trys to overall remain unnoticed and go for the things that I want in this life.

Talking about this just makes me think about my friend and I who both wish to go to Japan for an extended period of time. I am not sure whether this is due to our fascination with historical Japan and the Japanese culture or because after having our lives dictated to us by others for the past 23+ years we both seek to have something that we know was decided by us. All our lives we have heard that schooling was the most important thing to finish above all else but we never thought to question it and sometimes I am left wondering. I dont regret the decision to come to College or joining Theta Chi because without either of these things I would not be who I am today. I want to do the things that seem adventurous to me. Like skydiving, white water rafting, visiting foreign countries and other things such as these.  Japan I think would be a wonderful start to this. Also I think that stepping back from the life I currently have to go to Japan would give me a more valuable appreciation for what I do have. I think I need to step back and evaluate what it means to be me and whether the past 20 years have been me turning to the cautious path instead of something far more valuable. Self discovery is something I very much would like to have happen but I dont think its possible to understand what goes on in my head. I think I am even sarcastic to myself when I dont think I should be. Sarcasm is a tool my wit has developed as a source of entertainment for others and also as a blade to annoy and confuse the people I dont like. I just sometimes wonder if my thoughts are not sometimes my own worst enemy when it comes to trying new things.

This just brings me to my next point on why I hate stupid people. People in general have a way to annoy more than I could possibly annoy them. I find it irritating that although I consider myself and the people I am around for the most part competent and logical people the people I cannot understand or accept are the people who lack the common sense for even the most basic tasks.  When  you have people out there making it necessary for a website dedicated to people who end up getting themselves killed for stupid reasons (meaning the Darwin Awards) it makes me fear for the future of the human race sometimes. I think Darwinism still exists for these people because even though it seems like there are more people socially incapable of a decent idea its good to know that they are removing themselves from the gene pool through their own stupidity.  I can honestly believe that movies like Idiocracy could possibly happen in another 500-1000 years. I dont know how to solve this but its not like it would do much at the moment anyways.

My first post

I have never been much for online blogging but I decided to give it a try. I am a recently graduated Mechanical Engineer from Ohio Northern University, and damn am I glad that its over with. Ohio Northern is a good school but I am still uncertain if the $35k+ a year was worth it. I did the co-op program with my education there and earned about 9 months of work experience that has helped me a lot in finding a job. Its a lot easier when people dont look at your GPA for the job search. Personally I think that I am capable of solving most problems given time and resources needed.

I am still enjoying the college atmosphere at least for this summer while I work most of the day I am still living in my old place and hanging with my fraternity brothers for the time being. Theta Chi was one of the best decisions I made in my time at Northern. I dont think I would have ended up the same person I am today if I hadnt made that choice. I have made many friends and have thoroughly enjoyed my time with them. I even may continue to do so as an alumni if they choose to let me. Either way I will try to help them in any way I can.

I honestly believe that even if God doesnt interfere with our day to day lives he does give us oppurtunities that we have to take advantage of the things he places in front of us. Sometimes it doesnt work out the way we would like but I have to believe that he has a reason for it even if we dont understand it and never could. I have been raised by my strong christian mother who raised us on her own. I love my mother a lot even though she can seem very controlling at times.

Hoping that in the next few months I can get settled into a job and start getting myself some stuff I need, like a new car and a new place to live here. Anyways I dont know what to actually write in here but I figured I would give this a try.